All of us know what anger is & we would have felt it in some or the other way in many situations in our life. It is a completely normal & healthy human emotion that everybody faces & we cannot turn down the fact that all of us have some reasons or the other to react in a certain way which falls within the boundaries of ANGER. Anger to a certain extent is okay of all of us, but once it gets out of control it may lead to problems, problems related to work place, related to one’s personal life & might also affect the entire way of living one’s Life. Anger management is a very important thing that we should all know in our life it is needed for both stabilizing one’s emotional sates & the psychological impact that it can cause in one’s thinking process. One can never get rid of people who make you frustrated, create problems; neither can you avoid such people in life as they will often make entries into your life at different point. However one can definitely look at the ways of managing his/her anger & learn the art of doing so. A person who can manage his/ her anger is likely to be more happy, organized, informed & sensible than the ones who are not.
Reason for choosing the topic
We cannot ignore the fact that anger has always been a part of the life. The entire world is having violence, aggression, hatred & war in some or the other way & we have to be practical & brave enough to understand this. It is very important for all of us to know the things which can make us & others angry. Most of the problems in today’s world troubling human being are somehow connected to ANGER that has been increasing in today’s generation because of multiple factors .Today’s youth is struggling from frustration, aggression guilt & reparation which are causing them to react in a certain way that makes them an angry man. If we analyze closely most of us grow up with anger right from the childhood days only. Also the tolerance limits that one has are going down day by day. (Ronald T. Potter-Efron, 2006)
Some of the things we need to note in our life & which can help us in understanding the root cause of our angry behavior are:
Aggression is nothing but a psychological defense of human being against the threat of fragmentation. When we are born, we face diverse personalities & in our biological process we try & fight with all the diverse personalities that we come across which makes us confused as to which should be the ones we take & which are the ones to be ignored. This is what makes us unique from the other & when someone challenges this personality of ours, we tend to hide our weaknesses & try to react to them in a certain way. This causes frustration in the whole process of consoling one’s mind & results in unwanted behaviors. However not all of us react in the same way & some of us might deal with this in a more apathetic way than the ones who become angry.
Relevance to human Being
Anger is a very powerful emotion that can begin from frustration, hurt, disappointment or annoyance. It is a very normal & healthy emotion that can vary from slight irritation to strong reactions. It is very important for human being to express their Anger & is also very important to know the reasons why one suppresses their anger 7 what can be the repercussions of doing so. Anger if suppressed can lead to anxiety & depression. It can also disturb & impact ones relations with others, might lead to change the way one thinks, the decisions one takes. However these are all psychological aspects of it. Anger can also lead to physical problems like, Headache, high Blood pressure problem, skin disorders. Even more dangerous are the behaviors like crime, physical abuse, violence & other reactions which one can follow in an angry state of mind. (Ronald T. Potter-Efron, 2006)
However it is very important to know in the context of daily human life as to how one can manage his/her anger to avoid the above problems to some extent if not completely.
One should try & take deep breath do positive talks & try to stop thoughts leading to anger. Try & develop deep breathing patterns during any situation when you feel you are getting frustrated & likely to get angry Also try & console yourself to relax & avoid high voltage talks during such situations as it helps you to reduce your excitement.
One should definitely not try & suppress his/her anger but express the same…However, the ways & time to do so should be looked at. You have to be assertive & should be able to express your feeling, needs, wants & preferences in a healthy way. All these will help you in expressing your anger which is good & very normal. Please note that anger outburst is dangerous for both our nervous & cardiovascular systems.
Try & talk others support when you talk your feelings. Sit with people who understands you & who can absorb your absurd thoughts as well.
Try & analyze the situations which make you angry. Avoid such situations in future.
Try & put yourselves in others shoes to look at things that they would do in such circumstances which make you angry.
Try to eat healthy food & find different ways of being happy & humorous in life.
Be a good listener. A lot of things in life become complicated due to improper communication which can be done only if you are a good listener in addition to a good talker as well.
Try to be assertive, expressive proactive rather than reactive.
One can also consult a professional therapist if he/she faces the problem quite often. Book reading is also a good way to deal with anger.
The above mentioned steps can definitely help one in dealing with anger, but it very important for us to understand the fact that anger is a normal & healthy emotional process in all of s & we should all take it positively to ensure that it makes a positive change in our life rather than causing frustrations & making our life complex. One should note that anger is not a bad thing & it has been one of the key to human development as it helps in allowing human being to evolve & adopt with the changing times. It also teaches us to react to situations in a right way. It is a combination of emotional and physical changes. Also a big surge of energy goes through our body as chemicals, such as adrenaline, which are released when one becomes angry. (Anger Management Techniques, 2013)
Even when the root cause of anger has been resolved one has to be prepared to deal with the physical impact of it. As told earlier anger also helps in releasing chemicals, the energy has to go somewhere when someone doesn’t get angry. A person who is unable to explain his/her anger can also cause self harm & harm to others which one cannot even think about. One can also become shy of others & may not be able to or comfortable with expressing himself/herself in front of others. Anger can also lead to verbal communication which in turn can make the other person angry as well.
There is an interesting other side of anger as well. The surge of energy it creates, it can be pleasurable for some of the people for some of us it gives a sense of power when you release your feelings on someone. This intern can be very dangerous & is a major reason for all the crimes. It can become an addiction in this case
Relevance to UAE
The people in UAE react to situation very strongly and if the situation is related to religion or any other topic which connects them emotionally. That creates anger within not only among individual but in a society as a whole. The topic of anger management is so much relevance to UAE as there is so much violence and crime prevalent in that part of world. If proper counseling is given to people on anger management it will help not only an individual but the society in decreasing the violence which is perpetuated all across.
Now that we have understood the definition of ANGER, their relevance to human being & how one can manage the same, we will try to define things & their solution in detail in the coming sections.
Nature of Anger
Anger is an emotional state of getting irritated & might range from mild to strong reactions. When one gets angry, his/her heart rate & blood pressure rises & so does the energy levels because of adrenaline & non adrenaline flow arising as a reason of the above
It can happen because of both internal & external factors. One can be angry because of a specific person or situation or incident. For example a traffic jam can make one angry because it leads to delay in activities which might be very important for the subject in the situation. Likewise a high voltage talk it Boss at office can be an incident leading to anger. Personal problems like failure in relationships & money crunch can also lead to anger.
Expression of Anger
One should always express his/her anger rather than suppressing the same. There are multiple reasons for the same & we will try to analyze each of these in detail.
If we look at the natural way of most of the human being towards responding to anger, most of us gets frustrated & resulting behavior is very close to aggression. It is a natural, adaptive response to threats which leads to thinking oneself as a powerful & aggressive person which in turn allows people to fight and to defend themselves when they feel offended… A certain amount of anger is necessary for all of us to survive & we should never allow anger to grill our mind.
However one cannot physically lash out to every person or thing that frustrates him/her. There are laws rules & norms in the society that we live on & all these have set limits for us to express our anger. If we do not follow them we might come under immense problems which further double the trouble for us (Guide to psycology, 2013).
We should see that in our daily life we use both conscious & unconscious processes to deal with Anger. One can show three different ways of responding to Anger.
Expressing- This can range from immense situation whereby one abuses fights & even tries to cause physical damage to the other party involved. However, the best way to express anger is to be assertive & not aggressive.
This can prove to be a healthy way of expressing anger .Assertive doesn’t always means being pushy & demanding, it means being respectful & smart to convince others to know what you are trying to explain them.
Suppressing-One can suppress his/her anger & can redirect the same towards other positive /negative things. It can happen when they hold their anger & tray to stop thinking about the reason for their occurrence. In turn they also start to think on something more positive to keep their mind diverted. Their whole aim is to avoid & follow a constructive behavior of deal with anger. However the negative impact that this can lead to which is nothing but when you start fighting within yourself & try to move the whole process inward. This can lead to High BP, sometimes causing Hypertensions & also depression in many cases. Suppressed anger can create other problems like aggressive behavior. People also develop a habit of becoming cynical & constantly try to put others down in front of the group in which they are working / interacting. They also develop a habit of getting back to people indirectly rather than face to face conversations. The worse of all is that they are no more eligible or even able to dollop & maintain successful relationship because of the above mentioned behavior.
Calming down -Some people are able to calm down their anger not only by restricting themselves to express it to others but also by lowering their heart rate by controlling their internal responses & consoling themselves to take abusive actions.
However in case a person is unable to express anger through any of the three above methods, then they should be prepared for the upcoming troubles. (Anger Control, 2008)
Anger Management aims to reduce the emotional feelings & the psychological arousal because of anger. One can never get Reid go anger, nor can they avoid the same, so the only constructive part would be to know how to control the same & divert it to other productive areas. One can go through the area psychological tests that measure the anger feelings, prone to anger, how well one is at handling anger etc. Normally all of us know the intensity of our anger & reasons for their arousal as well. However if we are unable to map the same then we can definitely get the test done. Some people tend to show more anger than others. This can vary from person to person & can also vary between the same family members as well. Some of us are coolheaded & tend to absorb the negative situations better than others. However some have more hotheads than the average normal person. . Easily angered people don’t always curse and throw things; sometimes they withdraw socially & get physically ill.
People who get angry easily are said to have lower level of tolerance compared to others. When we talk about tolerance, it is with respect to frustration, which means these people should not be exposed much to frustration, annoyance or inconvenience. These kinds of people don’t like others to pinpoint their small mistakes every time.
It is very important for others to know the reasons for some people behaving in this manner.
There can be multiple reasons for such behaviors. It can be either genetic or psychological. For example- some children’s right from their childhood days tends to behave itchy & irritated this can be attributed to their genetically inheritance.
However Socio cultural factors can be the other reason as well. Anger is quite often termed as a negative reaction. We are often educated about anxiety, depression & other negative emotion but never are we coached me dealing with anger nor are we consoled on how to handle it or channel it constructively. (Bloom, 2001)
Background of a person also plays a very important role in the construction of once personalities. People who come from chaotic, disruptive & angry parents tend to develop anger within them. However, Psychologist is of the opinion that this may just be another myth & they often find it a way of getting license to hurt others. & this acts as an escape route for their mistakes. One should always look at things & situations which make them angry & try to develop tactics & strategies to avoid these. (Franzen, 2008)
Ways of Keeping Anger Away
One can definitely keep his/her anger away but following some simple yet effective rules in life. Below are some of the techniques that can be used to do so:
Ample Relaxation- As per Adrian Faupel, Whenever one feels angry one should take deep breaths to calm down the aggression level. This helps in normalizing the adrenalin flow which in turn helps in bringing the energy level down. One can read books to bring their mental temperature to normal level. People who are in relationship with partners who are short tempered can use these techniques to bring each other down. One should try taking deep breaths from the diaphragm as breathing from your chest doesn’t relax your body. People can also try verbalizing the words like calm down & relax & then tae deep breaths. Try & remember incidents from the past which made you happy. This will help you ion getting rid of the tension & thereby relaxing you & decreasing the anger. A very important & effective thing is also to practice Yoga. This helps in complete relaxation of your mind. (Faupel, 2010)
Changing the thinking process- As per Harword Kassinove, One can also deal with anger by changing the way they think. When a person is angry his/her thinking can get exasperated & aggressive People should try & think positive rather than thinking on the previous mentioned nodes. For example while one is struck in traffic one should think about something good that has happened to them in the past rather than thinking about the consequences of reaching late. Don’t curse people around you as it is not going to help you any ways & above all it is going to increase you aggression level. Think rationally rather than emotionally rational thin king always helps in bringing your adrenalin flow don & in turn reducing your temper level. Don’t humiliate people around you as this may cause anger within them. Always use cold logic to defend your anger thoughts. Remember that people around you are not there just to get you. It’s just a rough phase that is propelling anger within you. You also need to become aware about your demanding nature & translate them to reasonable expectations rather than unreasonable thoughts. (Kasinove, 2002)
Problem solving process- As per Peter favaro, Most of the times our anger & frustration are caused by some real & unavoidable factors. But, not always is anger a bad thing. It can also be used as a positive & healthy change. A very common reason for anger is also the eagerness to find solutions to problems. But we also need to know that there isn’t a solution to some of the problems & you have to be practical enough to understand the same. Rather than finding answers & solutions, one should look to handle such situation/problems. One can make a plan & check the progress accordingly to avoid anger. But not always will your action be similar to the plans .In turn they may be a little different & you should have the patience to bring it on track rather than getting angry. Right & rational ways of solving problems should be looked at. (Favaro, 2008)
Better Communication-As per Anthony Fiore, Most of the times clash in thought process results in anger formation in two or more individuals. People tend to draw conclusions in the mid way of some ongoing communication &get struck in the part of the communication which they might not have liked. However, this may not be right as the whole discussion may be giving some other results. Hence, a good listening & expression during any conversation is very important. Also try bringing down the heated conversation by carefully tackling the same. One should also approach a calm attitude during any discussions to avoid confusions. (Fiore, 2005)
Using Humor- As per Kim Olver, Humor has always been an anger killer. Humor helps in bringing the adrenaline flow in your body down by helping you relax. It helps one to get a more balanced approach to things. Humor can always be relied on to help unknot a tense situation. One should also be cautious while passing humorous statements. Don’t try to just “laugh off” at problems, rather, use humor to help one face them more constructively & also don’t give in to harsh & sarcastic humor as that’s just another form of unhealthy way expression. (Olver, 2011)
Changing Your Environment- As per Fiore, remember that environment plays an important role in ones emotional built up. For example when someone is at office, the demand of the hour can be to just work professionally, but once you are at the house, you feel a little relaxed. This helps in changing one’s emotional state which will vary in both the places. Likewise one should try & find some space in their life to think about themselves & stay away from the routine. This also helps in bringing emotions to a healthy level. (Fiore, 2005)
Easing up- As per Mitch Abrams, try to get some time for your personal life as well apart from the work life. Try & avoid things & situations that irritate & frustrate you. Try & find alternatives for things which are not working through a route. (Mitch, 2010)
Counseling- As per Lisa Adams, if someone feels that his/her anger is really out of control & is unable to handle the same, one can consult a psychologist or other licensed mental health professional to learn the tricks of handling anger. Angry people need to learn the art of being assertive rather than be coming aggressive. (Adams, 2008)
Anger has been one of the most destructive & common delusion that impacts our daily life. In order to solve the problem of anger, one has to first think about the reasons of their occurrence & then look at the ways to reduce it or channelize it to a positive route as it harms both us as well as the others. Also, one cannot ignore the role that patience plays in reducing anger & keeping oneself calm & composed. We need to look at some of the practical ways of anger reduction & then prevent the same from arising in our mind. For example, when we are angry with our loved one, at that point he/she appears to us as unattractive. We exaggerate his/her bad qualities by focusing only on those aspects that irritate us & ignoring all his good qualities, until we had built up an image of a faulty individual. We have to practice patience in our life to overcome anger.
One has to also realize the positive & negative feelings arising from anger. This helps to channelize the same in the positive direction. Although everyone has a different way of dealing with anger, some of the common strategies can be as below:
Being sportive enough to handle defeat.
Meditation & relaxations
Shouting in private place to bring out your aggression.
Running (Anger Control, 2008)
Any of these may help to take out your frustration and burn off any feelings you’re that one is bottling up. However, this still leaves the problem of dealing differently in situations that makes us angry. You need to practice some techniques to avoid & channelize your anger. One can use the below mentioned steps for dealing with anger.
Stop yourself from getting into situations which gets out of control.
Give yourself space.
Breathe deeply to calm yourself down
Analyze situations calmed down once, try to see what has happened really
Define the problem.
Solve-Consider all the possible options to solve the problem. (Ronald T. Potter-Efron, 2006)