Counselling in the broad sense of the term is simply expressing your ideas about how someone can improve their situation. Human beings are always faced with issues that involve a degree of anxiety. An obstacle or challenge is presented by poor choices or circumstances, and a decision must be made about how to approach the issue in order to reduce the tension and restore hope. Everyone becomes a counsellor for themselves or for others whenever the challenge is presented or arises.
Counselling is a principled relationship characterised by the application of one or more psychological theories and a recognised set of communication skills, modified by experience, intuition and other interpersonal factors. It may be of very brief or long duration, take place in an organisational or private practice setting and may or may not overlap with practical, medical and other matters of personal welfare.
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It is both a distinctive activity undertaken by people agreeing to occupy the roles of counsellor and client.
The goal in learning counselling skills is to present ideas in a way that is intentional and that can be predicted to improve a situation faced by the person. (Daniel Keeran, 2012).
2. Making clients feel safe in a counselling session
The main focus of Person Centred counselling is in creating a therapeutic relationship between counsellor and client. The client needs to be able to talk about whatever they need to, share their intimate thoughts and explore sometimes difficult feelings. For this the client needs to feel able to fully trust the counsellor; they need to feel safe, supported and that they will not be judged.
The counsellor works at creating the right environment in which a client feels able to look at themselves and develop a greater understanding of their own thoughts, feelings and meanings. The counsellor is not there to analyse the client or give them advice, but instead to be alongside them, supporting them and helping them to explore their own issues, with the belief that the client with come to find their own answers.
Paying attention to meeting, greeting and seating
For counselling to be effective, the counsellor needs to work at building a relationship for equals especially in the early stages where the counsellor might be feeling vulnerable and insecure. Also considering that the client is meeting the counsellor on unfamiliar territory.i.e. The counsellor’s consulting room. Striving to keep the room neutral is a positive step the counsellors can take in order to keep the equality gap i.e. free from personal belongings such as books and family photographs. (Daniel Kareen, 2010)
Greeting the client can be fairly informal especially greeting clients with their first names, it can make clients feel comfortable and accepted and introducing yourself by your first name can break down the barriers. If the client does not feel comfortable, the counsellor can ask the client how they would like to be addressed.
BUILDING SAFETY
Be aware of helping the client feel safe in counselling” If a client is very resistant, not willing to talk, what he’s telling us nine times out of ten is that he doesn’t feel safe enough to talk about whatever he needs to talk about. And so I’ll say to him, “I wonder if you feel safe enough in this setting to talk about the things that you need to talk about?”
There are also people who say they didn’t think of anything worth talking about. They didn’t think anyone wanted to listen because they’ve had a history of nobody listening. You can make a reflection of that. You could say, “So maybe you’re saying that what you have to say is not worth talking about, or you feel other people don’t care about what you have to say?” I’d want to hear more about that. I’d say, “Say more about that. Where is that coming from? What’s that about?” So reflect that back to them and keep the process going:”Talk more about that.”
If you have a client who is aware of counselling skills you may engage her in lighter conversation, something that’s easier to talk about, something safer. That may be feeding into the defence, though. It’s saving her from the difficulty. So what I may be willing to say is, “Maybe you’re feeling a little uncomfortable about talking about this right now? Is that accurate?” (Candy P. Feeler R. Rocco C, 2003)
3. Characteristics of an effective counsellor
Good counsellors are emotionally stable
Effective therapists have resolved (or at least are aware of) their own emotional issues. They’re able to handle the stress of helping others deal with psychological disorders, without letting their own issues cause problems.
Good counsellors are Introspective and Self-Aware
Effective therapists are aware of how their own culture, education, socioeconomic status, values, and religious beliefs affect their practice and interaction with patients.
To have a successful career in psychology, a psychologist must set aside his or her own personal beliefs when working with patients.
Good counsellors Need Strong Interpersonal Skills
Effective therapists are comfortable working with different types of people from all walks of life! A psychologist can have introverted personality traits and still have a successful career in psychology. Good written and verbal communication skills are part of strong interpersonal skills.
Good counsellors are Tolerant and Open-Minded
Effective therapists are open to new research (that may challenge previously held beliefs in psychology) and new ways of thinking. A good psychologist must also accept clients who can’t or won’t work on their psychological disorders or issues.
Good psychologists also ensure their clients feel comfortable and safe as they’re confiding their deepest secrets and most embarrassing problems. A psychologist also has to inspire trust in the process of therapy.
Good counsellors are Patient
Effective therapists understand that significant periods of time can pass before clients are able to make changes in life. To have a successful career in psychology, a psychologist must be able to communicate this patience to their clients and their clients’ families!
Good counsellors are Ethical, Moral, and Law-Abiding
Effective therapists understand the ethics in working with patients, and know the importance of keeping client sessions confidential. Psychologists must understand the difference between ethics and morals
A psychologist must also understand and work within the state or provincial laws and regulations that control the industry. To have a successful career in psychology, a psychologist has to work within the boundaries of the law.
Good counsellors Believe in Continuing Education
Effective therapists are always learning about new findings in psychological research and new ways to communicate with and help clients. The best psychologists are always brushing up on their own therapeutic skills and people skills; they’re also constantly expanding their knowledge base.
Some of these personality and other traits of good psychologists are innate, but most can be learned and developed over time. Individuals who go into a psychology career with many of these personality traits will often find they excel in the field.
Good counsellors are Compassionate and Caring
Effective therapists are compassionate and can empathize with a client’s pain, psychological issues, and other difficulties without judging or making the client feel worse about the problem. (Laurie Pawlikkienlen, 2009)
4. Unconditional Positive Regard, Empathy & Congruence are the counsellors or therapists conditions needed to facilitate change. Without these conditions being present a healing relationship cannot form
4.1Understanding unconditional positive regard
Besides empathy and congruence, unconditional positive regard is one of the most important core conditions in person-centred counselling. All trained counsellors must therefore be able to demonstrate an understanding of this attribute confidently.
Unconditional positive regard requires that a counsellor suspends any form of personal judgment, and accepts the client, regardless of the content of any disclosure they may have made. A judgment is made in a very short amount of time, and overcoming this instant reaction can be difficult for many people. A counsellor however, has undergone specific counselling skills training and is able to provide this unconditional form of therapeutic support.
During one-to-one counselling a client is able to freely express his/her emotions, feelings and thoughts, in a safe, totally confidential environment. They are free to explore all thoughts without having to maintain any level of behaviour, and are acceptably able to do so without any fear of condemnation or reject from the counsellor.
4.2Understanding congruence
It could be called genuineness, realness, or congruence. The more the therapist is himself or herself in the relationship, putting up no professional front or personal facade, the greater is the likelihood that the client will change and grow in a constructive manner. This means that the therapist is openly being the feelings and attitudes that are flowing within at the moment. Thus, there is a close matching, or congruence, between what is being experienced at the gut level, what is present in awareness, and what is expressed to the client. Once the client is treated as an equal communication will start. If the therapist comes across as an authority or an expert the client will start to tailor their answers to suit this
4.3 There is also empathic understanding. This means that the therapist senses accurately the feelings and personal meanings that the client is experiencing and communicates this understanding to the client. When functioning best, the therapist is so much inside the private world of the other that he or she can clarify not only the meanings of which the client is aware but even those just below the level of awareness. This kind of sensitive, active listening is exceedingly rare in our lives. We think we listen, but very rarely do we listen with real understanding, true empathy. Yet listening, of this very special kind, is one of the most potent forces for change that I know.
Empathy or empathic understanding is the next core condition. This is where the therapist picks up on the feelings of the client and reflects this back to the client. This is the process where the therapist can act as a support to the client by making them feel ‘as if’ the therapist is there experiencing their array of emotions. (The counsellors guide, 2010)
5. Importance of self care for the counsellor
Stress Management / Relaxation Techniques
An important step in avoiding burnout is having an awareness of helpful ways to manage stress and exercise counsellor self-care.
Know yourself
It is important to acknowledge when you feel overwhelmed or distressed. As a professional, it is necessary for you to pay attention to your personal behaviours, body rhythm and physical health. Be aware of the differences between stress and burnout and when you should become concerned. If you are unsure about what you are experiencing, click on the link below for a self-assessment to help you determine whether your behaviours and emotions meet the criteria for compassion fatigue. The test can be taken at anytime, and the data collected will determine how at risk you are for burnout as well as measure whether your feelings about helping others have changed. It is a good idea to complete some form of assessment periodically to ensure you maintain your balance and care for yourself in order to provide excellent care for your clients.
Resting
The adult human body requires between 7 to 8 hours of rest for robust health. Sleep deprivation affects the mind and body and can increase stress levels, moodiness and irritation and negatively impact mental alertness and physical energy. At the end of the day, it is essential to find ways to relax and let go. Establish a routine before going to bed and make sure to get enough “Deep Sleep,” allowing for brain rejuvenation. If not enough “Deep Sleep” is accomplished the body will compensate by shortening other sleep cycles, including the REM cycle. If this cycle is shortened, the brain does not have an opportunity to process and integrate emotions, memories and stress from that day, leaving you emotionally deprived.
Eating Well
Good nutrition fuels the body and provides the building blocks that help a person handle the stresses of everyday life. Counselling requires considerable physical and mental energy; consuming foods such as fruits and vegetables will ensure you are functioning at the highest level of fitness. With a busy schedule, short lunches, paper work and counselling sessions it is easy to skip meals, eat unhealthy meals or snacks and over-consume caffeinated beverages. These things add little nutritional value, if any, to personal well being. The goal is to consume a balanced diet, eating foods from each food group, drinking lots of water and eating three balanced meals a day, along with healthy snacks. By eating the proper foods the body is able to restore lost vitamins, minerals and nutrients, an essential part of maintaining your overall health.
Exercising
Exercising improves individual physical fitness and mental well being. During exercise endorphins are released, decreasing stress levels and improving endurance, health, mental clarity and fitness. It is suggested that individuals spend 30 minutes a day doing some form of moderate exercise. Activities such as taking a walk, jogging, riding a bike, swimming or aerobic classes and weight training improve physical fitness and increase energy levels. In addition to the physical benefits, exercise has also been proven to stimulate memory.
Relaxing and Renewing
On occasion it is crucial to do something for yourself. As a counselling professional, you spend your time caring for others. It is vital to remember you must also care for yourself. This can be accomplished by participating in exercises such as yoga, prayer, meditation, Tai chi and reflective writing. These techniques allow you to escape from the busy world and become one with your soul, giving you time to recharge your spirit.
Personal Counselling
Having others to share your thoughts and feelings with can help you maintain a healthy lifestyle. Supervisors and colleagues can provide advice and support through difficult circumstances. It is recommended that helping professionals seek professional counselling, as you will continually face subjects or situations which will require you to address unresolved feelings and emotions.
Reflecting
Think about your life, what is important and what is not. A person rarely gets everything they want. Be careful not to dwell in negativity. The mind is powerful. The more negative our thoughts about things, the more our actions become negative or more reflective of those thoughts. We behave as we think. Learn to live a joyful life, doing your best and let the rest take care of itself! Strive to do well in all things and be thankful. It is important to remember things could be a whole lot worst, no one is perfect, and as long as there is life, there is another chance. There are a number of exercises that can be used throughout the day to allow you to stop and reflect on things. A good way to prepare your mind and body for reflection is learning deep breathing exercises and listening to soft music.
Time Management
Use the time you have wisely. It is critical to use a calendar and prioritize those things in your life that must be done. Remember, no one can do everything and no matter how hard you try you will never be able to make everyone in your life happy. Commit only to those things you feel passionate about and learn to say no to things that do not fit into your plans and priorities. Organize your day, but remain flexible. No matter what our plans include, things will occur to change those plans. Being prepared to make necessary adjustments lessens the pressure you may feel.
Humour
Laugh until it hurts. It is difficult to be sad and happy at the same time. Laughter releases endorphins, which are responsible for improving your mood and helping you to relax. Learn to laugh at yourself and find humour in life stressors. Do not take things so seriously that you miss out on the beauty of laughter and the opportunity to see things through a different lens. On occasion, engage in an amusing comedy show or film and always keep a book of good jokes on hand. (Steven, C, 2004)
