I woke with a start at the sound of rumbling thunder. Rain patted on the roof lightly, but the sky was violent with roaring clouds. I couldn’t remember the past night, mostly because it had been the same as the past few months: bleak and lifeless. I couldn’t remember the last time I had left my house, oh wait, yes I could. But I try not to think about that anymore.My body felt stiff and sore from laying in bed all day, but I was used to the feeling by now. I regestered that it was late in the morning, and my hand automattically went up to my face, wiping away the dried tears from the previous night.I no longer had dreams of death. My dreams were much worse these days. The memories played through my mind on repeat through out the night.I was sitting there, his hands holding mine as he seals my fate of lonelyness. The pain was numbing. Some nights were difficult. Some nights were dreadful. Most nights I felt dead.I stared at the hosiptal barelets fastened on my writsts. There was two of them. One from the emergancy room and one from the physc ward. They didn’t want to let me leave, but I no longer showed signs of physical harm and they no longer could find a reason to keep me.I watched as the memories played through my mind, forcing myself to watch because I knew this was the last time I would have to face them. I watched as my life slowly faded into the deep abyss of lost memorys, as the months numbly passed by like minutes, and as my will to survive effortlessly slipped from my hadns.I knew what was to come; I’ve watched the signs appear for months, but now, as the idea concluded in my head, I wasn’t afraid.I had lost any control I had. I had lost any life lines I thought I needed. I lost my need to br…
… with the baby securely cradled in her arms as she slept, I sat in the heavy snow. My body slowly slipped forward on the tiles slicked with icy snow, as I tried nothing in my power to stop the fate that was sure to come with falling off a second story rooftop, doing absolutely nothing to save the thing we had so desperately fought for.My life.A quick second passed and my body fell from the rooftop. The air was thick, but it wasn’t enough to catch me. The ground came sooner than I expected or had ever imagined. There was no sudden hope that anyone, or Alex, would swoop out of thin air and save my life. My life did not pass before my eyes as I fell, for my life had been taken from me the second I was sent back to earth alone. There was no moment where everything seemed to fade into slow motion as death quickly approached.Or at least I hoped it would.
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