A chemistry teacher wanted to teach his 9th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.
“Now, class, observe the worms closely,” he said, putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.
The second worm he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.
“Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?” the teacher asked.
One of the students raised his hand and wisely, responded, “Drink whiskey and you won’t get worms.”
Quotes To Go With Your Beer
The problem with some people is that when they aren’t drunk, they’re sober.- William Butler Yeats
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.- For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemingway
Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.- Ernest Hemingway
You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.- Dean Martin
Drunk is feeling sophisticated when you can’t say it.- Anonymous
No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness – or as good as drink.- G.K. Chesterton
Time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time.- Catherine Zandonella
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.- Ambrose Bierce
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.- Anonymous
I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast. A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her. What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?- W.C. Fields
Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder.- Anonymous
Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.- Lady Astor to Winston ChurchillMadam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.- His reply
If God had intended us to drink beer, he would have given us stomaches.- David Daye
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.- Oscar Wilde
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.- Henny Youngman
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.- Anonymous
… in beer.- Dave Barry
My problem with most athletic challenges is training. I’m lazy and find that workouts cut into my drinking time.- Anonymous
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.- Humphrey Bogart
Friends don’t let friends drink Light Beer.- Anonymous
If nothing beats a Bud, given the choice, I’d take the nothing…- Anonymous
Draft beer, not people!- Anonymous
Adhere to Schweinheitsgebot. Don’t put anything in your beer that a pig wouldn’t eat.- David Geary
Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.- David Moulton
A drink a day keeps the shrink away.- Edward Abbey
Put it back in the horse!- H. Allen Smith, an American humorist in the ’30s-’50s, after he drank his first American beer at a bar.
The Beer Song
(Sung to the tune of “Do Ray Me”)Do–the stuff that buys me beerRay–the guy who sells me beerMe–the guy who drinks the beerFar–a long way to get beerSo–I’ll have another beerLa–I’ll have another beerTea–No, thanks I’m drinking beerThat will bring us back to…(looks into empty glass)D’OH!!!