Emotional Intelligence is defined as “having the ability to identify and manage one’s own emotions and the emotions of others”. The term, Emotional Intelligence, EI, or the emotional quotient (EQ, for short), was first popularized by Dr. Daniel Goleman in 1995; He determined it was the cognitive ability that facilitated interpersonal behavior. Studies have shown people with a high EQ have a better mental health, increased job performance, and have elite leadership skills. However, it seemed conclusive that it was unknown yet whether this was attributed to a general intelligence and specific personality traits, which classifies E.I as more of a scientific ideological construct. Regardless, understanding and utilizing one’s own emotions can not only raise your awareness of the intensity of any situation, but will increase your success in interpersonal and professional scenarios that require the heart and not just the mind.
“IQ”, or Intelligence Quotient, is a test rating one’s cognitive abilities. It is a way to gauge one’s general ability to solve problems and comprehend concepts. “EQ”, or the Emotional Quotient, is the capacity of an individual to recognize their own and other people’s emotions, to discriminate between different feelings– labeling them appropriately, and to use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior.
Emotional Intelligence is important because it is what separate us from the beasts. It helps you connect with your fellow man (or woman). E.I. makes us human instead of homicidal sociopaths. It determines the ways we may or may not communicate with each other and what makes or breaks any kind of relationship or situation.
CHAPTER 1
Why smart is good, but being having an EQ is better
Here is an interesting tidbit: People with with average I.Q’s outperform other’s with the highest I.Q’s 70% of the time. Why do you think this happens? Let’s face it: People who are extremely intelligent are statistically more emotionally rigid. They focus more on factual information and logic and less on the complexities of emotional synergy. Emotional Intelligence is the fuzzy substance in each of us that affects how we manage our ( and other’s) behavior, ***navigate(synonym***, social complexities, and how we make private or social decisions that create positive results. E.I. is divided into two main areas that are sperated each in two categories.
Perssonal and Social Competence are the two main substantial components of Emotional Intelligence. Personal competency is a combination of self-awareness and self-management. You are the nucleus of your own emotional habits attributing tow the management of your own behavior and tendencies. Through Persoanal Competency stems self-awareness, which is a personal ability to (change rhetoric just in case for plagiarism) accurately perceive your own emotions and stay aware of the as they happen. The other half of Personal competency is Self-Management. Self-Management is your ability to use awareness,of your emotions to stay flexible and to direct your actions in a positive manner.
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The other main component of Emotional Intelligence is Social Competence. It is the composition of social aware ness and relationship management skills. Ultimately, developing your social competency ,eans your ability to comprehend the trifecta os social relationships: other people’s moods, behavior, and motives ensures the highest possible quality of these relationships.
We have to keep in mind, no matter what, the simple fact that human nature will always prevail no matter how high one’s IQ may be. Intelligence is rigid… no matter how young or old you may be, your ability to learn is static no matter what stage you are in your life. However, being emotionally intelligent gives you a ***flexible set of skills** that can be developed and honed with determination and patience. Emotional Intelligence impacts just about every single decision you make every day. You may not realize this, E.I. is the greatest predictor of performance in professional settings. It is the most important skill to have if you deign to be a leader.
E.Q. is important because it determines whether or not you are trustworthy or are seen as such. Your accountability and your customer service skills, no matter how impressive your S.A.T. scores are, your capacity to relate and adapt to change is the pinnacle force in our evolutionary development. Quick-wittedness is not the only trait that aloowed our paleolithic ancestors to thrive… their survivability depended on their astuteness and their situational adaptability. E.I. is the proverbial chameleon that brought mankind to where it is now in history.
Why do some people aspire to be doctors when they grow up? One word: Empathy. Empathy is our drive to understand and share the feelings of another. I will give you another example: if a beloved family member dies, anyone else who has experienced the same form of loss could empathize with that emptional turmoil. The pain we feel when we are hurting causes us to make a decision; whatever decision we make stems from our emotional quotient. How positively or negatively we respond to such a negative cirumstnce is what determines how far up the emotionally intelligent bell curve we score. The beauty of this construct is that we could always improve our inner- station in responding positively to life’s curve balls.
Chapter 2
The five categories of emotional intelligence
1. Self-Awareness
Emotional Sef- awareness:. It Is being present in your emotional day-to-day journey. To develop this ability to recognize one’s strength, weaknesses, drives, values, goals, and is aware of their impact on others. If someone does something that arouses a happy feeling in us, our heart may flutter a bit and that positive response helps others feel comfortable in our presence. That elation we experience causes us to become more self-aware of our feelings. When a boss praises a co-worker, it does not go unnoticed. That worker immediately notices what is was that they did, and if motivated enough—will try to replicate that same feeling again. Being a boss means that you have to power to elicit positive and negative feelings in the people who work for you; With great power comes great responsibility.
Basically, it is the capacity to tune into your feelings and how they will affect your performance. also, Being self-aware helps yout o become open to feedback from others about how to improve your performance. A leader who is emotionally aware can make decisions without letting their emotions get the best of them… which will affect the rest of his or her team. A leader who has this skill developed, is more capable of being aware of others and their feelings. The most important trait of leadership is to be able to understand the feelings of others. Understanding emotion I called empathy.
You are more apt to sense if you’re doing a good enough job in your superior position and if you aren’t putting too much pressure on your teammates. There’s a saying: ” You can only love another person after you learn how to love yourself”. This goes hand-in-hand with emotional self-awareness. To love yourself means that you understand and accept yourself. You become knowledgable on positivity.. A person who loves and respects itself can love and respect others. Is it better to be fear or be loved? To be a leader, one must be able to give respect in order to get it. Respect is earned, not taken.
2. Self-Regulation
Self-Regulation is the second category of emotional intelligence involves harnessing one’s disruptive emotions and impulses—while adapting to changing circumstances. It determines our skill at controlling our emotions, impulses, and resources. It gives us a sense of integrity and honor… when we have integrity, we have the drive to carry on; To perform as well as we can. It is our drive to reach for the stars. As a leader, self-regulation is vital to the job. It is what keeps you fromfiring someone because of an opinion… or throwing a tantrum because things did not go your way. A leader is supposed to the most responsible and emotionally regulated of the entire group. What is the point of a being in a leadership position if you feel like the pressure is too much? It takes a strong person to succeed as a leader. However, never forget that a leader a leader is nothing without his or her followers. Now, just because you are following on a project or whatever it may be, does not make you any less driven or responsible, per se. Self-manangemet is an important skill for anyone to develop, alpha or beta. It helps you learn how to not lash out if your immediate superior shows you a more efficient way to finish your project. A good leader will never demand your respect… but will immediately do everything in their power to EARN it.
3. Self- Motivation
Third, when you are self-motivated, you set results as your intention and start working toward your goals beyond just the bare minimum. You want to go the extra mile because “basic ” is not in your vocabulary. To become self-motivated takes a lot of time and personal sacrifices to truly get what you want and where you want to be in life. Self-motivated individuals utilize their own emotions as the driving force in becoming successful. The hope of success is their motivation rather than a fear of failure. When you feel positively about your dreams for your project, you’re more likely to finish it regardless of any stress, like an upcoming deadline. When you allow self-defeating thoughts to infect your mind, the likelihood of you giving up increases.
Self-Motivation starts with doing the little things. When you wake up half an hour an hour early just so you can be more prepared for your daily tasks is a highly self-motivating decision. It is the little things you commit to doing that make the biggest dents in your life. Commitment and Consistency are what you need to a highly successful and motivated person.
4. Social Skills (Social Awareness)
Fourth, Social Awareness in reference to the comprehension and sensitivity to the emotions, thoughts, and circumstances of others. Anticipation of your team’s needs, understanding their situation in life, and having a hyper-awareness of the inner passions of others will get you far in life and work… especially when you are in tune with others without a word being said. By doing this, you are showing others you care. That goes a long way with family, friends, and especially co-workers. When you are socially aware, you’re aptitude for acknowledging strengths, weaknesses, accomplishments and successes is what makes you an unforgettable social and professional pacemaker.
If you find yourself in a dispute with a co-worker, more often than not waves of defensiveness are unleashed which will inevitably lead to hostility. Negotiation comes from well-developed social skills; Great negotiation skills mean team meetings are the square root to a myriad of solved issues, such as your team working together to achieve goals, building a common project mindset, and everyone becomes more open to opportunites that uplift the group. A house divided cannot stand and instead of reacting negatively to a seemingly bad expression of a positive intention, try reacting positively to help that person express that intention in a more positive manner.
5. Empathy
Which brings us to the fifth and final category of emotional intelligence. Empathy is the ability to be able to connect to another person through emotion. It is how we are able to understand others…especially when we understand ourselves. When we take an active interest in another person’s life, interests, fears, and upsets, and accomplishments we show discernment. Discernment goes hand-in-hand with empathy.
To be a successful emapth, one must be prepared to anticipate another’s needs before they may realize it themselves. This sounds difficult…but it is easier than you would think. To be empathetic is to feel another’s emotions as if they were your own and then responding accordingly. Empathy is sympathy version 2.0. The difference between sympaty and empathy is huge. A sympathetic person would merely feeling sorry for someone, an empathetic person would choose to put itself in another person’s shoes. How does one become empathetic. For starters, pay attention and attempt to detect some non-verbal cues, like body language. Also, you could provide constructive “criticism” or praise to help someone improve in their work and then praise them for a job well-done.
Empathy means you will go the extra mile for someone, in life or work; you comprehend another’s needs and will go out of your way to help someone, like a customer, friend, or client. You choose to put the meeds of the customer first- their satisfaction and loyalty is the square root of business. When you put a client first, you gain their trust, and that makes the sky the limits. However, you must remember that every person’s feelings and needs are subjective and you must individually treat them as such. When you tailor your services, actions, or words to specifically meet individual needs you doing what is calle “leveraging diversity” By doing this, you are weliminating the chances of sterotyping a client, acquaintance, or even a stranger.
How Can The FIVE categories of Emotional Intelligence affect us?
1. Self-Awareness comes from the Greek Aphorism “know thyself”. Self-Awareness is a major cornerstone of self-control. Psychologist Daniel Goleman ( The man who popularized the term “Emotional Intelligence” and literally wrote the book on Emotional Intelligence) stated a more mainstream definition of self-awareness as “knowing one’s internal states, preferences, resources, and intuitions”. This definition created more emphasis and significance toward our each individual inner world, thoughts, and feelings and they rise.
A non-judgmentala quality is required to be able to look inside. Thoughts and feelings are natural aspects of being a human. If we can learn to accept these as they are instead of trying to suppress them and make yourself feel bad for only being a human being. It is better to respond than to react in the heat of passion. Individuals who are more than likely to respond with compassion to others. Self-Awareness is an indicator for overall success in business. If yuou cannot be self-aware, how can you be aware of others? To know yourself means that you look inside to try and understand yourself, how else do you learn to understand others.
2. Self-Regulation affects us in either good or bad ways. In children, those who grow to be teenagers without developing this skill are more than likely to earn lower grades, portray aggressive behavior, become drug dependent, , an dparticipate in high-risl sexual behaviors. Overall, they are more than likely to have poor life experiences. Researchers believe that most problems, like mental issues or other health problems, that we experience as human beings of all ages could be traced back to some form of an inability to self-regulate. When you regularly exert bouts of self-control, your strength in willpower will improve… just like exercising regularly will make you stronger.
3. Motivation has two sub-categories: Intrinsic and Extrinsic. When you are intrinsically motivated, you appreciate personal achievement, you encourage your curiosity and that gives your motivation meaning. When you are extrinsically motivated, you’re working for those gold stars or to be told how well you did. It makes you feel good about yourself to have earned something material, like money or grades. Being motivated inspires you to work extra hard. When you are the person motivating others, it is always better to use positivity, rather than negativity, to motivate someone. NEgativityis more likely to stress out your employess and their performance will probably suffer. Their work will be sloppy vecause with negative motivation, there is no goal and nothing to work towards.
4. Social Skills (Social-Awareness) have a plethora of ways they can affect us. Whya re they so important? They give us our ability to adapt… survival skill are just modern survival techniques. When employers interview possible candidates, they are looking for how well they are going to fit in with the company. Itt is much easier to learn a technical skill than to change a type of behavior. Social skills are not just about being able to make friends, they affect our ability to function on a day-to-day basis. They are what move us through each situation, in life and work, each and every day.
5. 5 DON’T FORGET TO PUT HOW EMPATHY AFFECTS US.
Chapter 3
What are the Benefits of Emtional Intellgience?
Emotional Intelligence is not a specific skill meant only for work or life in general. When we harness it and work to hone our skills, we set ourselves up for success at home and in the office.
Greater Sales
For starters, in the workplace, a study was done on more than 40 Fortune 500 companiesd showed that people in sales with an above average level of Emotional Intelligence outperformed ithers with lower E.I.
Higher Productivity
You are more than likely to become 3x productive with a high E.Q.
Staff Stability/ Satisfied employees
Co-workers who exhibited higher levels of E,I. managed their stress better, were more self-aware, and their customer retention rate increased by 67%. When employees are more emotionally intelligent, they tend to be more satisfied with the company they work for… assuming their boss will place them in positions that are better suited to their skills. Given this opportunity, workers will become more fulfilled in the workplace. When you like your job, your more apt to try harder.
Improved Risk Management
There were two studies pertaining to retail stores and the construction industry which found a correlation between lower Emotional Intelligence and shrinkage, otherwise known as theft. There Was also a positive tend showing a higher chance of work-related injuries.
Better Customer Service Skills
Employees who showed empathy in customer service positions are better equipped to handle a customer’s need. They are better equipped with the skills needs to tend to a customers requests and preferences. Clients and customers all want their emotions and reactions to recognized and dealth with properly. Utilizing you E.Q. equips you with more positive social and conflict management skills to better prepare you for helping customers with special needs.
Now, in life, Emotional and personal skills are less rigid, but still play an important part in happiness and personal responsibility. When you take in to account all of the previously mentioned FIVE categories of Emotional Intelligence
1.Self Awareness
2. Motivation
3.Empathy
4. Self-Regulation
5. Social-Awareness
You are preparing yourself to have an altogether healthier lifestyle. When you are motivated and have a high amount of self-awareness, your stress is better managed and we react to the more unfortunate events with a healthier mindset. When you have a mpositive attitude, your outlook on life improves. Levels of anxiety and depression are lowered. With a higher E.Q., people tend to feel better about themselves. It is directly correlated to our relationships. When we are more capable of managing our emotions and are to understand our own feelings, we can better understand and connect with our loved ones. You will end up arguing a lot less, the quality of time you spend together will increase exponentially, and the things that used to be aggravating do not seem as important.
To be able to settle disagreements (usually caused by a miscommunication) will help any relationship blossom. When you see your child or partner is upset, EQ gives you the tools to empathize with your loved ones and you’re able to create solutions to heal their pain. With a little bi ogf patience and understanding, oner conversation while down on their level (eye-to-eye) can goa long way.
Chapter 4
What Exactly does one need to do to become more Emotionally Intelligent?
The steps to become more E.I are relatively simple… they just take practice and determination. The key to being successful is practice, practice, practice. If situations do not go as planned, that is okay, just keep trying. Now, there are different scenarios that require different step to be dealt with. Here are some ways to become more Emotionally Intelligent, starting with a more generalized list of steps.
Step 1
Do not interrupt or change the subject when talking with someone. Instead, try listening actively. Think about the person’s words and their meaning, rather than focus on what you are going to say next.
Step 2
Do not judge yourself too quickly. Intense emotions will come and go; Just try to acknowledge their existence and let them be. Do not dismiss them too quickly without thinking about your feelings.
Step 3
Try to find a connection between your current emotion and any other time you may have possibly felt similar. Reflect on how you feel and remember (if you can) how you acted on those emotions and what kind of response was emitted. Was it positive? Or was it negative in a way that had a less than desirable outcome?
Step 4
Connect your feelings with your thoughts. Look inside when you feel an emotion… at that precise moment, observe your thoughts and any other sensations that may be coursing through your body. Ask yourself why you thought what you thought.
Emotional Intelligence is not just about the inward journey. Most communication is nonverbal. To be exact, your words only account for 7% of all communication. Your tone of voice accounts for a massive 38%, meanwhile your body language makes up for the remainder whopping 55% of communication. This is a great way to practive Self-Awareness.
1. Calculate what you are feeling.
If you can pinpoint your feelings without acting on impulse, you have a greater chance of your verbal meaning not becoming misconstrued.
2. Breathe.
Have you ever been so angry that you sent a “nasty-gram” via text, email, or have said something mean to someone? I think it is safe to say we all have at some point. We need to practice some self-management. Do you notice any visual, auditory, or kinesthetic happenstances that may have possib;ly triggered your upset? If you become “stuck” in a fight/flight/freeze state of mind, try something called 7-7-7 breathing. Inhale for seven seconds, hold your breath for seven seconds, and then exhale for the remainder seven seconds. Repeat this process seven times. This will put you in a better frame of mind to respond instead of reacting impulsively
3. Consider the person you are dealing with
Not everyone sees the worldas you do. How you may perceive a situation to be, the oher person may see the opposite. Here is a list of components thatdetermines how a person may see the world or conversation:
Religion
Adult Experiences
Education
Childhood Experiences
Ethnic Groups
Friends
Socio-Economic Background
Now taking all of these in to consideration is called Social-Awareness
4. Focus on the outcome
What would you like to see come out of the conversation? Would you like to make someone feel empowered to move forward in a positive manner? At this moment, you need to administer the type of message that will get you the outcome you are looking for, hopefully positive. This is called Relationmship Management.
Now, whern you are the boss, the type of communication you use will vary in differebt conversations you will no doubt encounter.
1. Deeply analyze your own strengths and weaknesses
More often than not people will “derail” on account how well they may appear to themselves, or how they believe other people may see them. To become a more Emotionally Intelligent boss/leader, the first step is to become self-aware abou what you have to offer and any liabilities that you may have. Look at your peer-reviews and ask for honest and yet constructive striticism to examine your daily habits. There is no sense in trying to be flawless. Understanding that you’re human and that you have flaws will allow you to learn how to circumnavigate your own personal shortcomings.
2. Observe the world with selflessness and patience
Self-care is a necessity for anyone regardless of being in a position of power, but if you only focus on yourself, how can you learn about and appreciate the world and it’s inhabitants who work for you. Try to see people in an unbiased light: their strengths and weaknesses. Listening intently and give someone your undivided attention, without keeping your mind busy with thoughts of responses shows selflessness and patience. Show humility and not just confidence in a conversation.
Try practicing altruism: Giving (resources or attention) without expecting anything in return; People will learn you are trustworthy.
3. Eliminate your stress
Emotion usually comes first before logic. This is an evolutionary defense mechanism giving our ancestors a chance to escape predators. If we thought about running away before we actually did it, we would most likely not be here. These days, there are not too many chances of us getting eaten by predators, so our biological response is stress. If you are going througha diffuicult time, it is best to find a way to temporarily soothe your uncomfortability so your judgement is not clouded when dealing with other people.
Ways to eliminate stress include: reducing how much you work, meditation, sleeping more, reducing your caffeine intake, doing yoga or other exercises, or ven just talking to a friend.
4. Reduce your screen time
These days, avoiding communication through technology can be difficult. However, when a large amount of communications you participate in is through email or social media, you miss imperative body language, vocal tone, and expressive cues… It is impersonal which can make it difficult for people (clients or customers) to fully trust you. It may not be possible to eliminate all screen communication, but reducing it will allow the prevention of missed face-to-face interaction
